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My husband walked out in beginning of Dec....

Resolved • Response time 1 minute

22 Jan 2022

My husband walked out in beginning of Dec. I’ve put together a schedule that he can see our two boys for each week. He was supposed to have them last night overnight but changed his plans last second saying he had therapy. I had suspicions so was on high alert. He booked a hotel room (I have email) and I drove down and his mistress’s car was there. I took a pic. do I have any legal obligation to let him have the kids today? Since they obvious weren’t his first choice yesterday
JA: What state are you in? It matters because laws vary by location.
Customer: PA
JA: What steps have you taken so far?
Customer: i had a consult with an atty and have another on Thursday with someone else
JA: Is there anything else the Lawyer should know before I connect you? Rest assured that they'll be able to help you.
Customer: no
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22 Jan 2022

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Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law
nbsp;Hello, I am J. Taylor, a licensed attorney with many years of experience. I look forward to assisting you today. Please give me a moment to respond
22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law
First of all, I am very sorry to hear about what you are going through here.

As I understand it, you and he have entered into an custody contract outside of court.  In other words, there is no court order for custody.  Rather you and he have a written document that you both agreed to and within that document it sets forth when you each have the kids.

Assuming my understand is correct, then the answer is no. You have no legal obligation to let him “switch”.  If your document says he has day x and he said he cannot on x… but how about y.  You have no legal obligation to oblige him.  The contract says y is your day. Period.

22 Jan 2022
Customer reply
22 Jan 2022
Even if I reluctantly agreed to switch only to find out that was the reason he wanted to switch?
22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law

Absent a court order ordering some degree of flexibility for him, a fixed custody schedule is just that, fixed.  The parties can stick to the black and white terms set forth if they wish.

22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law

Did you agree in writing to switch or just verbally?

22 Jan 2022
Customer reply
22 Jan 2022
Email
22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law

Verbally would have been better as he would have no document to show it.

However, your original contract trumps any subsequent agreement.  You do not need to honor the switch

22 Jan 2022
Customer reply
22 Jan 2022
this can't be held against me down the road?
22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law

His recourse would be to file with the courts and get them involved if he doesn’t like your now not agreeing to switch.

Going to court would be expensive, time consuming and - tell him - likely not in his favor in light of his activities, in particular the dishonest reason for seeking a switch in the first place

22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law

No.  Document what he was actually doing for your records (hotel record or charge for example).

Hypothetically if you ended up in court - he could be questioned about his actions on this night.  Be forced to justify the hotel charge AND perhaps even produce therapy records showing that he had a session (which he obviously could not)

22 Jan 2022
Customer reply
22 Jan 2022
Unless he met her after?!
22 Jan 2022
Customer reply
22 Jan 2022
But is the booking email in his name and pic of her car at hotel enough to prove adultry
22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law

True.

However, you still don’t have exposure for going back on the switch.  The custody contract governs and you don’t have to allow a variance - even if you said you would

22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law

You don’t need to prove adultry for a custody battle.  Just that he choose to not avail himself of his scheduled night with his kids in order to pursue other pursuits

22 Jan 2022
Customer reply
22 Jan 2022
But I want primary custody
He has little to no relationship with his kids
22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law

Yes. That is very much my point:

1) your lack of flexibility does not impact your argument to seek primary custody should you end up in court

2) this particular incident could be used against him to hurt any argument he would have made about having actually wanted to see his kids

22 Jan 2022
Customer reply
22 Jan 2022
What about his right to enter the house he left whenever he wants?
Can I start to pack up his stuff?
22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law

Pack his stuff. Sure.

Can you prevent him from entering a dwelling that he partially owns. No - unless you got that in writing (that he is giving you sole ownership of the house)

22 Jan 2022
Customer reply
22 Jan 2022
Is it worth getting a private detective?
22 Jan 2022
Customer reply
22 Jan 2022
Also, can I cut off communication with him now until one of us file?
22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law

That is a hard question to answer. If you feel you want that level of evidence against him.

Communication - no.  All you have is the written agreement And it would behoove  you to stick to the letter of that agreement prior to seeking the courts help.

I will note, for the purposes of our discussion, we are now going past the original question.  The site compensates us experts per question, not length.  If you’d like to continue, I’d kindly ask that you request me in a new thread

22 Jan 2022
Customer reply
22 Jan 2022
Ok, thank you!
22 Jan 2022
Lawyer's response
22 Jan 2022
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq

You are welcome

Customer rating:
JTaylorEsq
JTaylorEsq
Attorney at Law
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Attorney at Law
22 Jan 2022
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